Chapter One
The body lay in perfect repose on the Victorian fainting couch, looking more like a sleeping beauty than a victim. Detective Sarah Chen had seen enough death in her ten years with the Metropolitan Police's Special Cases Unit to know that natural death never looked this peaceful. Something was very, very wrong. 'No signs of struggle, no marks on the body, and yet...' She leaned closer, studying the victim's face. Charlotte Mills, aged 28, was found by her roommate this morning, apparently having passed away in her sleep. Her expression was serene, almost blissful, but her eyes - those were what caught Sarah's attention. Behind the closed lids, her eyes were moving rapidly, as if still deep in REM sleep. "You see it too, don't you?" The voice came from behind her, rich and cultured with a slight Irish lilt. "She's still dreaming." Sarah turned to find a tall man in an impeccably tailored charcoal suit standing in the doorway. He hadn't been there a moment ago, she was certain of it. His dark hair was streaked with silver at the temples, and his eyes were an unusual shade of amber that seemed to shift color in the light. "This is a closed crime scene," she said firmly, her hand instinctively moving toward her weapon. "How did you get in here?" He smiled, but it didn't reach those strange eyes. "Dr. Marcus Thorne," he said, pulling out a card that somehow both looked official and seemed to shimmer slightly. "I'm a consulting specialist with the Department's new Oneiric Phenomena Division." "The what division?" Sarah frowned, taking the card. The moment her fingers touched it, she felt a slight electric tingle, and the letters seemed to rearrange themselves before her eyes. "Dreams, Detective Chen. We investigate crimes involving dreams." He moved into the room with fluid grace, his attention fixed on the victim. "And this is the third one this month." Sarah's mind raced. There had been two other deaths recently - both young women, both found peacefully dead in their sleep. She'd seen the reports but hadn't made the connection until now. "How do you know about those cases?" "Because I've been tracking the killer for quite some time." Thorne knelt beside the body, his eyes now definitely more gold than amber. "He's what we call a Dream Collector - someone who has learned to enter and steal dreams. But this one has developed a taste for more than just dreams. He's taking souls." Under normal circumstances, Sarah would have dismissed such talk as nonsense. But there was something about the scene, about the victim's still-moving eyes, about Thorne himself, that made the impossible seem suddenly plausible. "If you're tracking him," she said carefully, "why haven't you caught him?" Thorne's expression darkened. "Because he only appears in dreams. The physical world is my domain, but his... his is the realm of sleep. To catch him, we need someone who can walk between both worlds." He turned those unsettling eyes on her. "Someone like you." "Me?" Sarah almost laughed, but the sound died in her throat as memories she'd long suppressed began to surface. The dreams that felt too real, the nights she'd awakened to find objects moved in her room, the way she sometimes knew things she couldn't possibly know... "You've always known you were different, haven't you, Detective?" Thorne's voice was gentle now. "The dreams that come true, the hunches that turn out to be right, the way you can sometimes see how people died just by touching objects they owned..." Sarah took an involuntary step back. "How do you know about that?" "Because I've been looking for someone like you. A Natural - someone born with the ability to cross the threshold between waking and dreaming." He gestured to the victim. "Charlotte here won't be his last. There will be others, and their souls will remain trapped in an eternal dream unless we stop him." Just then, the victim's hand twitched, her fingers moving as if writing something. Sarah moved closer, watching as invisible words were traced in the air. Thorne pulled out what looked like an antique monocle and held it up. Through its lens, golden letters shimmered in the air where Charlotte's fingers moved. "Help me," Thorne read aloud. "He's coming for the others." Sarah felt a chill run down her spine. She looked at the victim's peaceful face, at those restlessly moving eyes, and made a decision that would change her life forever. "Tell me what I need to do." Thorne's smile was grim. "First, you need to learn to control your abilities. Then..." he held up the monocle, through which Sarah could now see strange symbols glowing all around the room, "you need to learn to hunt in dreams." Outside the Victorian townhouse, storm clouds gathered, and Sarah Chen, homicide detective and newly discovered dream walker, took her first step into a world where nightmares were real, and death was just another kind of sleep.
Chapter Two
The basement of the Natural History Museum was the last place Sarah expected to find the headquarters of a secret dream investigation unit. Yet here she was, following Thorne through a maze of storage rooms filled with artifacts that seemed to pulse with their own inner light. "The mundane world only sees what it expects to see," Thorne explained, using an ornate key to unlock a heavy wooden door marked 'Private Collection.' "To them, this is just museum storage. To us, it's the largest collection of dream artifacts in the Western Hemisphere." The room beyond defied physics. It stretched impossibly far, filled with glass cases containing everything from ancient masks to modern-looking devices. Floating orbs of soft light illuminated collections of bottled dreams - actual dreams, swirling like liquid mercury behind glass. "Your badge, Detective," Thorne held out his hand. Sarah hesitated before handing over her police credentials. He placed it on a strange device that looked like a Victorian music box crossed with a computer. When he returned the badge, it felt different - heavier, somehow more real. "Now you'll be able to access both worlds officially," he said. "Look at it again." The badge had changed. Alongside her regular police credentials, new text had appeared: 'Special Inspector, Oneiric Investigations Division.' The letters seemed to shift between English and something older, something that made her eyes water if she looked too long. "Before we can hunt the Dream Collector, you need to understand what you're dealing with." Thorne led her to a case containing what looked like a normal pillow. "Touch it." Sarah reached out hesitantly. The moment her fingers made contact, the world tilted. She was suddenly standing in someone else's dream - a sunny beach, but the sky was green and the sand whispered secrets. She jerked her hand back, gasping. "Good," Thorne nodded approvingly. "Most people can't pull back from their first dream artifact. You have natural barriers." "What was that?" Sarah's heart was racing. "A dream fragment from 1892. A young girl's last dream before the influenza took her." His voice softened. "We preserve them here. Dreams carry memories, emotions, sometimes even pieces of souls." "And this Dream Collector... he takes entire souls?" Sarah remembered Charlotte Mills' peaceful face and restless eyes. "He traps them in eternal dreams, feeding off their essence." Thorne moved to another case, this one containing what looked like a cracked mirror. "Each victim becomes part of his collection, their souls powering his abilities, letting him dreamwalk without natural talent like yours." Suddenly, the cracked mirror began to frost over. In its surface, Sarah saw Charlotte Mills' face, mouth open in a silent scream. Then another face appeared - another victim, she presumed - and another. "He's showing off," Thorne growled. "He knows we're investigating." The temperature in the room dropped dramatically. Frost patterns spread from the mirror to nearby cases, and Sarah heard what sounded like distant laughter. "Well, well," a voice echoed through the room, seemingly coming from everywhere and nowhere. "A new player in the game. And such interesting dreams you have, Detective Chen." Sarah felt something brush against her mind, like cold fingers trying to pry open a door. Instinctively, she slammed her mental barriers shut. The presence withdrew, but not before leaving behind an impression of amusement. "He's already caught your scent," Thorne said grimly. He pulled out a small velvet bag and removed what looked like a dreamcatcher made of silver wire and black pearls. "Wear this when you sleep. It won't keep him out entirely, but it'll stop him from stealing your dreams while you're still learning to defend yourself." As Sarah took the dreamcatcher, her fingers brushed Thorne's, and suddenly she was hit with a flash of his dreams - centuries of memories, battles fought in realms of sleep, and a profound sense of loss that made her gasp. Thorne withdrew his hand quickly. "Your abilities are stronger than I thought. We'll need to work on your control." "What are you?" Sarah asked directly. "You're not just some government consultant, are you?" Before he could answer, an alarm began to sound throughout the facility. One of the dream bottles had turned black, its contents writhing like smoke. "He's hunting again," Thorne said, already moving toward the exit. "Someone in the city has just entered their last dream. Are you ready for your first real case, Detective?" Sarah touched her new badge, feeling its power hum under her fingers. "Do we have time to save them?" "If we're lucky, we might catch him in the act. But remember - in dreams, he's incredibly powerful. One wrong move and you could lose your soul." As they rushed from the dream archive, Sarah caught one last glimpse of the cracked mirror. In its surface, she saw her own reflection smile back at her with eyes that weren't quite her own. The hunt was about to begin.
Chapter Two
The basement of the Natural History Museum was the last place Sarah expected to find the headquarters of a secret dream investigation unit. Yet here she was, following Thorne through a maze of storage rooms filled with artifacts that seemed to pulse with their own inner light. "The mundane world only sees what it expects to see," Thorne explained, using an ornate key to unlock a heavy wooden door marked 'Private Collection.' "To them, this is just museum storage. To us, it's the largest collection of dream artifacts in the Western Hemisphere." The room beyond defied physics. It stretched impossibly far, filled with glass cases containing everything from ancient masks to modern-looking devices. Floating orbs of soft light illuminated collections of bottled dreams - actual dreams, swirling like liquid mercury behind glass. "Your badge, Detective," Thorne held out his hand. Sarah hesitated before handing over her police credentials. He placed it on a strange device that looked like a Victorian music box crossed with a computer. When he returned the badge, it felt different - heavier, somehow more real. "Now you'll be able to access both worlds officially," he said. "Look at it again." The badge had changed. Alongside her regular police credentials, new text had appeared: 'Special Inspector, Oneiric Investigations Division.' The letters seemed to shift between English and something older, something that made her eyes water if she looked too long. "Before we can hunt the Dream Collector, you need to understand what you're dealing with." Thorne led her to a case containing what looked like a normal pillow. "Touch it." Sarah reached out hesitantly. The moment her fingers made contact, the world tilted. She was suddenly standing in someone else's dream - a sunny beach, but the sky was green and the sand whispered secrets. She jerked her hand back, gasping. "Good," Thorne nodded approvingly. "Most people can't pull back from their first dream artifact. You have natural barriers." "What was that?" Sarah's heart was racing. "A dream fragment from 1892. A young girl's last dream before the influenza took her." His voice softened. "We preserve them here. Dreams carry memories, emotions, sometimes even pieces of souls." "And this Dream Collector... he takes entire souls?" Sarah remembered Charlotte Mills' peaceful face and restless eyes. "He traps them in eternal dreams, feeding off their essence." Thorne moved to another case, this one containing what looked like a cracked mirror. "Each victim becomes part of his collection, their souls powering his abilities, letting him dreamwalk without natural talent like yours." Suddenly, the cracked mirror began to frost over. In its surface, Sarah saw Charlotte Mills' face, mouth open in a silent scream. Then another face appeared - another victim, she presumed - and another. "He's showing off," Thorne growled. "He knows we're investigating." The temperature in the room dropped dramatically. Frost patterns spread from the mirror to nearby cases, and Sarah heard what sounded like distant laughter. "Well, well," a voice echoed through the room, seemingly coming from everywhere and nowhere. "A new player in the game. And such interesting dreams you have, Detective Chen." Sarah felt something brush against her mind, like cold fingers trying to pry open a door. Instinctively, she slammed her mental barriers shut. The presence withdrew, but not before leaving behind an impression of amusement. "He's already caught your scent," Thorne said grimly. He pulled out a small velvet bag and removed what looked like a dreamcatcher made of silver wire and black pearls. "Wear this when you sleep. It won't keep him out entirely, but it'll stop him from stealing your dreams while you're still learning to defend yourself." As Sarah took the dreamcatcher, her fingers brushed Thorne's, and suddenly she was hit with a flash of his dreams - centuries of memories, battles fought in realms of sleep, and a profound sense of loss that made her gasp. Thorne withdrew his hand quickly. "Your abilities are stronger than I thought. We'll need to work on your control." "What are you?" Sarah asked directly. "You're not just some government consultant, are you?" Before he could answer, an alarm began to sound throughout the facility. One of the dream bottles had turned black, its contents writhing like smoke. "He's hunting again," Thorne said, already moving toward the exit. "Someone in the city has just entered their last dream. Are you ready for your first real case, Detective?" Sarah touched her new badge, feeling its power hum under her fingers. "Do we have time to save them?" "If we're lucky, we might catch him in the act. But remember - in dreams, he's incredibly powerful. One wrong move and you could lose your soul." As they rushed from the dream archive, Sarah caught one last glimpse of the cracked mirror. In its surface, she saw her own reflection smile back at her with eyes that weren't quite her own. The hunt was about to begin.
Chapter Three
They arrived at St. Bartholomew's Hospital just as the emergency lights began to flash. Sarah followed Thorne through corridors that seemed to blur at the edges of her vision, her new badge somehow clearing their path without ever being shown. "Room 307," Thorne said, his voice tight with urgency. "Young male, admitted for minor surgery, slipped into an unusual coma during recovery." The patient, David Parker, age 23, lay perfectly still on his hospital bed, his eyes moving rapidly beneath closed lids. Just like Charlotte Mills. But this time, something was different - the air around him rippled like heat waves over hot asphalt. "He's still in the process of taking him," Thorne said, pulling out what looked like an antique pocket watch. "We can follow if we're quick. Are you ready for your first dream dive?" Sarah's heart pounded. "What do I need to do?" "Take my hand. Focus on the patient. Let your consciousness slip between the moments of reality." Thorne's eyes began to glow that strange amber color. "And whatever you see in there, remember - dream logic is real logic in that world." Sarah grasped Thorne's hand and looked at David Parker. The world tilted, twisted, and suddenly... They were standing in a hospital corridor that wasn't quite right. The walls breathed slowly, the floor was made of flowing water that somehow supported their weight, and the ceiling was a swirling mass of constellation maps. "His dreamscape," Thorne explained, his voice echoing strangely. "Every dreamer creates their own reality. Look." Down the impossible corridor, a figure in a doctor's coat was leading David Parker by the hand. But the 'doctor' was wrong - his shadow moved independently, reaching out with grasping tendrils towards other dreams that floated past like soap bubbles. "The Dream Collector," Sarah whispered. As if hearing his name, the figure turned. Sarah's breath caught. His face was a beautiful mask of shifting features, never settling on one form, but his eyes... his eyes were endless pits of swirling dreams. "Ah, the new dreamer," his voice was like silk over broken glass. "And my old friend Marcus. Still trying to police the dream worlds?" Thorne stepped forward, and Sarah noticed his appearance had changed in the dream. His suit was now made of living shadows, and wings of dark light stretched from his shoulders. "Let him go, Collector. You've taken enough souls." The Collector laughed, the sound causing the hospital walls to crack, leaking golden dream-light. "Taken? Oh, Marcus, you still don't understand. They give themselves to me. Show her, David." The young man turned, and Sarah saw his eyes were glassy with bliss. "It's beautiful here," he said dreamily. "All my pain is gone. All my fears. He takes them all away." "By taking everything you are," Sarah found herself saying. She took a step forward, instinctively reaching for her police badge. In the dream, it transformed into a shield of pure light. "David, this isn't real healing. It's theft." The Collector's face rippled with anger. "You dare interrupt my collection?" The corridor began to twist, reality bending around them. "Let me show you what happens to those who interfere with my work." Suddenly, the floor beneath Sarah liquefied completely. She started to sink, but instead of water, she was drowning in dreams - thousands of them, each containing a fragment of someone's stolen soul. She saw Charlotte Mills dancing endlessly in a ballroom of mirrors, saw other victims trapped in perfect moments that had become eternal prisons. "Sarah!" Thorne's voice cut through the chaos. "Remember - dream logic! Make your own rules!" Dream logic. Sarah closed her eyes, focusing on her years of police work, of protecting people, of solving puzzles. When she opened them, her badge-shield had transformed into a sword of pure thought. With a cry, she slashed through the dream-flood. Reality reasserted itself - or at least, this dream's version of reality. She stood on solid ground again, facing the Collector. "Impressive," he purred, but she sensed uncertainty in his voice. "You're stronger than the usual dreamers Marcus recruits. Perhaps we could make a deal..." "No deals," Sarah said firmly. She could feel her power growing, reshaping the dream around them. "David, look at what he really is. Look with your heart, not your fears." For a moment, David's eyes cleared. The Collector's beautiful mask slipped, revealing something ancient and hungry beneath. David screamed, pulling away from the creature's grasp. The Collector snarled, his form shifting into something monstrous. "If I can't have him willingly..." Shadows exploded from his body, reaching for David. What happened next seemed to unfold in slow motion. Thorne spread his dark wings, shielding David. Sarah's sword of thought became a net of light, trapping some of the shadows. But the Collector himself simply... stepped sideways, vanishing into a door that appeared in the air. "Sweet dreams, detectives," his voice lingered behind. "We'll meet again soon. After all, Sarah, your dreams are particularly... appetizing." The dreamscape began to dissolve. Sarah felt Thorne grab her arm, pulling her back through layers of reality. Then... They were standing in the hospital room again. David Parker was awake, gasping, but alive and whole. A nurse was rushing in, responding to his sudden revival. "We saved one," Thorne said quietly. "But he'll be angry now. And he'll come for you." Sarah touched her badge, still feeling echoes of its dream-power. "Good," she said grimly. "Because I have some questions for him about Charlotte Mills. And about what you really are, Marcus Thorne." Thorne's expression was unreadable. "All in time, Detective. For now, you need to rest. Tomorrow, your real training begins." As they left the hospital, Sarah could have sworn she saw her shadow move independently, reaching for dreams that floated just beyond the edge of sight. The world would never look quite the same again.
Chapter Four
Sarah's apartment looked different when she returned that night. The shadows seemed deeper, more alive, and ordinary objects cast reflections that didn't quite match reality. The dreamcatcher Thorne had given her pulsed softly in her pocket, responding to the changed way she now saw the world. She was exhausted but afraid to sleep. The Collector's words echoed in her mind: 'Your dreams are particularly appetizing.' Instead, she spread her case files across the coffee table - photographs of Charlotte Mills, the other victims, and now David Parker's medical records. A soft chime from her badge interrupted her concentration. The metal had grown warm, and when she touched it, words appeared in that strange shifting script: 'Archive. Now. Emergency.' The museum was different at night. Sarah's new badge led her through doors that hadn't existed during her first visit, down stairs that seemed to descend far deeper than the building's foundation should allow. She found Thorne in a circular room she hadn't seen before, surrounded by floating screens of light that showed various dreamscapes. "We have a problem," he said without preamble. "The Collector's attack pattern has changed. Look." The screens shifted, showing a map of the city overlaid with points of light. "Each light is a dreamer," Thorne explained. "The blue ones are normal dreams. The red..." He gestured, and several dots pulsed an angry crimson. "Those are nightmares being actively shaped by outside forces." "He's attacking multiple targets at once?" "No." Thorne's expression was grim. "He's leaving traps. Dream-snares. Anyone who falls asleep in these areas risks being pulled into a constructed nightmare. He's trying to overwhelm our ability to respond." Sarah studied the pattern of red dots. "They're forming a shape... a symbol?" "A summoning circle." A new voice joined them. Sarah turned to see an elderly woman emerging from what appeared to be a door made of starlight. Her eyes were milk-white, but she moved with absolute certainty. "Sarah, meet Dr. Eleanor Price, the Archive's keeper," Thorne said. "And yes, she's blind in the waking world, but in dreams..." "I see everything," Eleanor finished. Her unseeing eyes fixed on Sarah with uncomfortable accuracy. "Including what our friend the Collector is truly planning. He's not just taking souls anymore. He's building toward something larger." She gestured, and the room transformed around them. They were suddenly standing in what looked like a vast library, but the books were made of dreams, their pages flowing like liquid memory. "Every dream ever archived is stored here," Eleanor explained. "Including the oldest nightmares of humanity. The Collector isn't just a thief - he's trying to wake something that should stay sleeping. Something we locked away centuries ago." She pulled a book from the shelf, and its pages burst open, projecting a scene of ancient horror - a time when the boundary between dreams and reality was thinner, when nightmares could walk in daylight. "The Last Nightmare," Thorne said softly. "We thought it was safely contained, but if he completes that summoning circle..." A sudden tremor ran through the Archive. One of the red dots on the map had grown larger, pulsing violently. "He's starting," Eleanor's voice was urgent. "Sarah, you need to see something before you face this." She pressed her fingers to Sarah's forehead, and suddenly... She was in a memory. A younger Thorne stood with a woman who looked remarkably like Sarah herself, facing down a shadow that threatened to devour the world. The woman - another dream detective? - sacrificed herself to help seal away the nightmare. "Your mother," Eleanor's voice echoed in her mind. "She was one of us. Her sacrifice helped lock away the Last Nightmare, but the Collector has never stopped trying to free it. And now he's found you - her daughter, with her power." The vision ended abruptly as another tremor shook the Archive. More red dots were pulsing on the map. "Why didn't you tell me?" Sarah demanded, turning to Thorne. "Because I promised her I'd keep you away from this life," he replied, pain evident in his voice. "But now the Collector knows who you are, and we're running out of time." "The summoning circle will be complete at the next new moon," Eleanor added. "Three days from now. If the Last Nightmare wakes..." "Then we stop him before that happens," Sarah said firmly, though her mind was reeling from the revelations. "How do we break these dream-snares?" "It's dangerous," Thorne warned. "Each one is a trap designed specifically for dream walkers. If you're caught..." "Then you'll just have to watch my back," Sarah said. She touched her badge, feeling its power respond. "Where do we start?" Eleanor smiled, her blind eyes somehow twinkling. "First, you need to understand what you truly inherited from your mother. It's time you learned about the true history of the dream walkers - and why the Collector fears your bloodline above all others." As if in response to Eleanor's words, the books around them began to glow, their pages rustling with the weight of secrets about to be revealed. In the map above, the red dots pulsed like a countdown to catastrophe, and Sarah realized she had less than three days to master powers she never knew she had. The true game was about to begin.
Kapitel 1 (1)
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1
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tabitha
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"Fru Worthington, jeg er sikker på, at din chinchilla vil have det helt fint under åbent hus," insisterede jeg, mens jeg holdt telefonen fast mellem øret og skulderen og smækkede den mest sørgelige undskyldning for en sandwich med jordnøddesmør og gelé sammen, jeg nogensinde havde set.
"UTrotry du* PddeIt?"O spukrhgt,ew .dUexnK Læóldgre ckéviJnde gbekym*rkeDt^, o'gv ljpeNg .kJungne hnærmuemst sMef,U hvolr,dan nheJnkdes fhj&ermletteG WhvDixdec vøYjOecnbrCyné qbnleRvi ptrukkzest s^amAmen. I"dM^åstke sfkullHeÉ éjegg &fjdernSeI SabnUdy) gfrRa ÉhusVet. J*eMg lvTi(l ikkeZ stresLseI !haQm.,V mfoCrYsbtóåbr' du?_"
"Selvfølgelig ikke," mumlede jeg og proppede sandwichen ned i en pose og derefter i en papirspose. Jeg trak telefonen væk fra mit øre, kastede hovedet tilbage og råbte: "Greyson! Lad os komme af sted!"
Mens jeg ventede på de afslørende lyde af hans tunge fodtrin mod trappetrinene, lagde jeg panden mod køleskabets kølige overflade og pressede telefonen tilbage til mit øre. "Det må du undskylde, fru Worthington. Jeg prøver bare at gøre min nevø klar til skole. Hver dag er en kamp."
"Åh, det forstår jeg godt, Tabitha," svarede hun og understregede sin sympati i hver eneste tonefald. "Hvordan har han det?"
"DWeatV Ter eQn It'ilFpjasning,^" sMva_remdeJ vjegi rzob^otiBsk,& fxoqr$dai TdeLt *vayr Bdet _hugr!ticgs)te sGvarc. ,DmetH g,avJ mFulighedc ,f^or' fræwrre sgpwørhgKsm$åZlJ LoFgi mFindGre saÉm'tZajlHeA,z oNgt _de't$ VvarG bpe*rYfedkhti. ADGet vnaMr itkmke nogetU,I jVe*g havJde lyósót tfi(l (atT tales Éom.r
"Jeg kan kun forestille mig det. Den stakkels dreng."
Den stakkels dreng. En selvisk snurren sneg sig ind i min hjerne med den følelse. Jeg havde det virkelig dårligt på hans vegne. At miste sin mor pludselig, inden for et år efter at have mistet begge sine bedsteforældre, havde selvfølgelig været hårdt for ham. Ingen forstod det bedre end jeg. Men for en gangs skyld ville jeg have sat pris på en stakkels Tabitha. Stakkels Tabitha mistede begge sine syge og ældre forældre med få måneders mellemrum. Stakkels Tabitha måtte begrave sin storesøster for blot to måneder siden. Stakkels Tabitha kunne ikke sælge det ene hus, hun havde taget på i det sidste år.
Stakkels Tabitha.
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Men først skulle vi i skole. "Greyson!"
Med endnu et undskyldende støn bragte jeg telefonen tilbage til mit øre. "Jeg er så ked af det. Nå, men jeg kommer lige forbi huset om lidt og ser, hvad vi skal gøre for at gøre det klar til weekenden, okay? Hvad siger du til kl. 12?"
"Klokken 12 er perfekt! Så ses vi der, Tabitha."
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Vores terapeut havde sagt, at den slags ting var forventeligt. Hvad hun ikke havde fortalt mig, var, hvor ondt det ville gøre, når han rullede med øjnene eller græd, når jeg råbte ad ham.
Han plejede aldrig at græde. Ikke før Sam døde.
"Greyson, vær nu sød!" Jeg råbte og tyede til bøn. Det kom altid tilbage til bønner. "Du er allerede sent på den, og om en halv time er jeg også sent på den. Lad os komme af sted!"
Hxanfsr pfroKddt!ri!nK tord$nFejdeB hneHdT !ad )tra.ppeni Hog! Bléige di'nd) KiS kjøkvknenect,c sloam o.mN zhUan b_arHeó MhavIde vejnbtet på, aétp ,jkeg shkulleX bóegMynpdQeX at$ tiggres. HVa'nzs abnlokndve. hår lvaTrq uSglzet, hbaVns RryFgsqæ!k s&lgæbGtCe CbRagc ham,C Yog hqawnD havde eCn g*rimasse i CansJigteótw.
"Tak," pressede jeg ud med et fortvivlet suk og vendte mig om for at tage fat i papirsposen. "Jeg fik dig til at..."
"Fedt," mumlede Greyson og snuppede posen fra disken og smed den uden videre ned i sin rygsæk. "Lad os gå, så du kan holde op med at brokke dig."
Vores terapeut sagde til mig, at jeg ikke skulle lade ham tale sådan til mig, selv om det kom fra et sted med sorg og vrede. "Greyson, hvad har jeg sagt om at bande ad mig?" Jeg skældte ud og fulgte hendes instruktioner med en streng, jævn stemme.
"SomF om! éjteg erV libgedglaÉd,É"V sOvÉarpe$deW h!an,& Zmedy .e)n^ dVrTisstiAg )udforódróiWng visQtU i' itKoYnenO. *"LLa,d, Cos Mgå!."x
Gud, giv mig styrke. Jeg pressede øjnene sammen og klemte næseryggen sammen, da han løb ud af køkkenet til hoveddøren, svingede den op og forlod huset. Jeg prøvede at være tålmodig og forstående, men hver dag bragte mig tættere på et sted, hvor jeg var træt af det.
Måske ville det være i dag.
***
"iDóu )hvaTró edtk gToBdt øHjPe MtJinl Ydvet hker,$"B saógd)el lfrKuk éWorthOingtoxn*, daD zjegg SomKhygTgfeslÉigtF pSlaceMrefdDeI YvxaMs,eNnD mée!d RsiSlykKet*u.lcipainLe)r hpåa seZt kafn 'sUtXuenFs) endeborSdbe.
Med et venligt smil på læben lagde jeg en bog ved siden af vasen og stod tilbage for at beundre mit mesterværk. Det var de små ting, der var med til at sælge et hus. Nogle mennesker tror, at det er det store billede - et omlagt landskab, en væltet væg, en nyindrettet stue - men nogle gange er det eneste, der skal til, at man vender en sofa og stiller en vase med falske blomster.
"Det ser godt ud," vurderede jeg og nikkede selvsikkert. "Jeg tror, vi sælger i weekenden. Mit gæt er tre bud."
Gud, det håber jeg.
"lÅSh, det vill!e vDære fTanftkacstéisQkC,Y"k MrcsJ. tWodrctyhAiPnjgTton UkrtaHmmJeQdke Fsigt ,oFm. xb_rBystmetx _mged VeKt WvabnAdiVgut isYmiQlx qpYåé læbenW. "óJengn hadDedr( CvigrkeÉl.iPgY atY OskuÉl_leV xgXivKeY stóedGectC !oMp,R zveCd du."Z
Det vidste jeg godt. Hun havde kun nævnt det tre tusind gange, siden jeg tog hende som klient i begyndelsen af året. "Det ved jeg godt." Jeg smilede medfølende og nikkede, mens jeg lagde puderne lige akkurat på sofaen. "Hvis du kan undgå at sidde på sofaen indtil efter lørdag, ville det være perfekt."
"Selvfølgelig, kære." Hun vipede med hovedet i enighed, før hun fortsatte: "Hr. Worthington og jeg har altid ønsket at have en familie i dette hus. Det er det beregnet til det. Men", sukkede hun trist, "det lå bare ikke i kortene for os, tror jeg."
Jeg kunne ikke sige, at det var en følelse, jeg nogensinde kunne sympatisere med. Børn var aldrig noget, jeg ønskede mig selv; jeg var altid en bedre tante. Men jeg kunne forvrænge mine egne mislykkede livsdrømme til at forholde mig til hendes, og jeg nikkede forstående.
Kapitel 1 (2)
"Jeg købte mit hus, lige før Brad rejste," svarede jeg og mindede mig selv om den personlige sorg. "Dobbeltvaske er lidt surt, når man er alene."
Sikke et elendigt år det har været.
"Brad er sådan et idiotisk navn," spottede mrs. Worthington med en misbilligende hovedrysten.
"XJzefg Uville' )ønspkeX, atq n_ogve&nó whavdAeW ifortaql*t mciagc Qdet,z Dførj Dj$efg lóodZ haumh fTri," gariniede pjaegB,y finadcefnr jegy Tslobg IméiDne hændéeyrL sWaDmOmeVnU. A"OkkLay!! SåB Lpå lørZdagH bkomumBer jXeg ^for&bxiJ ^meud kfaffxer ogz dwosugnhkn'utUs.F jJxeg* _tageYr( XGreysnon m,ekd,q zhvXiHs d_elt wer éi ordegn. Hadn mskal pti.l trPo^mm(eundFeCrxvisPninnMg Ylfizge) 'ef'teórd,t Ps&å Éjreg t'ænOkte..."b
Fru Worthington viftede med begge sine rynkede hænder og afviste min undskyldende tone. "Stop, skat. Jeg har aldrig noget imod, når din nevø er i nærheden, det ved du godt. Han er en god dreng."
Det er sandt; Greyson var en god dreng, for alle andre. Det plejede han også at være for mig, men nu ...
"Tak," svarede jeg taknemmeligt. "Nå, jeg tror, det var alt for i dag. Har du brug for, at jeg gennemgår noget? Eller kan jeg bare ringe til dig i morgen med nogle påmindelser?"
Den *æld'rje k)vWiPnyde. rdyósterde Opå hoveQdeZt wog gav Dmisg' getm AvfaWrmt sQmFiWly. "NkejH, j$eRg trjoqr, dget Netrk fi!ntC ónoSk.I MSange cta^kJ afZoIró $aBl.t,m Tabith*a. JDeCgv veDd,U zhvmaFdL vdRu Égaåvr igwelnnem, _og d_ept ,bedtydVeri JæTrÉlOigNt taAlti BmMe!gFe!tN hfoxr smigu,S aGtx d.u sytaédig ejr. Hvliqllfigw til Fa_t hsCællzgTe sgtedetf."
Da jeg tog min taske fra lænestolen, lod jeg den glide over på min skulder og smilede. "Tro mig, distraktionen er mere end velkommen."
***
"Hej Grey," hilste jeg på Greyson, da han faldt ned på passagersædet. "Hvordan var skolen?"
"ÅdhP,b bar$e AfGahnbtaXstciXslkX," mumplMede, Mhan$ vrePdÉt, smmækkede Cdørne*nN Wi io)gd .hvYilezde sin alqbQueX Wmod' RvHi!nWdsuesskMabrImhe'n.X
"Det lyder ikke så fantastisk," svarede jeg og kørte væk fra kantstenen. "Vil du ikke nok tage din sikkerhedssele på?"
Han mumlede noget uforståeligt, men han lyttede og spændte sig fast med et irriteret prust. Uden et ord mere skruede han op for lydstyrken på min aktuelle playliste for at lytte til en Foo Fighters-sang, som vi begge var fans af. Jeg besluttede mig for at være modig, mens jeg smilede til ham.
"Hey, kan du huske, da vi var sammen til The Foos?" Jeg spurgte og rakte hånden frem for at banke mine knoer mod hans lår.
"Ja$,P" sjvahrheLdeK (hcané byrVant Jog sitjirrtedeR uVds aWdR GvUin*duCetr.j
"Det var nogle gode shows," mindedes jeg, mens jeg på en gang fik lyst til at græde og samtidig hadede verden for at sløre de gode minder med dårlige.
Greyson svarede ikke. Han fortsatte med at stirre ud af vinduet, skrabede fingrene mod kanten og klemte, slap, klemte sine læber. Jeg kendte de ticks; han ville græde. Jeg hadede mig selv for at håbe på, at han ikke ville gøre det. Bare for en dag håbede jeg, at vi kunne komme igennem uden tårer og skrig. Jeg kunne klare drillerier. Jeg kunne klare hans attitude. Men jeg ville ikke have sorgen.
Vi kørte ned ad gaderne i Hog Hill, New York mod min bondehuslignende bolig i forstæderne, jeg bankede fingrene mod rattet, mens det næste nummer begyndte at spille. En sang af Seether, der hed "Broken". Sam elskede denne sang. Hun og jeg havde set dem sammen en gang for mange år siden, før Greyson blev født. Før jeg tvang mig selv til at blive voksen. I hendes dage, hvor hun slog med øjenvipperne for at komme backstage og gå i seng med bandmedlemmer.
JegU raLkTteV hånPdeBnY ufrgefm (oPg sxprang &san.gFenv okvjer.m
***
Efter middagen gik jeg hen til Greysons værelse for at få hans beskidte tøj op fra gulvet. Jeg var ikke overrasket over at finde ham ved sin bærbare computer, hvor han spillede det nyeste i sit arsenal af videospil, og jeg annoncerede min ankomst med et banke på dørkarmen.
"Hej, Grey."
HUaHn TkhiggTede aoiver^ ps&kulYdÉepren^ ogv togl eVn Kk_orztI pau'se fUrUas sGihnW sdGrwaGgedrXakb'nai.nBgp,ó khpvMorFeFftle&r hFan' gGrbynPtLede. "Åhk, óhXemj."N
"Jeg vil bare, øh," jeg gestikulerede mod tæppet af tøj på gulvet, "rydde op i det her og smide noget tøj i vaskemaskinen, okay?"
"Uh-huh," mumlede han og vendte sig tilbage til sit spil.
"Det er fint, Grey; jeg har ikke brug for hjælp eller noget," mumlede jeg modvilligt og bøjede mig forover for at skovle tøj ind i mine arme. Jeg smed det i vasketøjskurven ved døren.
"RJMegM ^erÉ )m^idtó i Wen$ utZu^rnAerin^g,H ta'ntSep ThablsU," Nb)rumRmvefdeh Aha!nd og _staGk en hwånd* mLo$d fchoJmApTuftezrsUkæWrmesn,G ozg RjTeYg lCøIfNtred&e mdine h_ændpern iA oZvKeLrMgivzeSlwsHeD.
"Jeg har ikke sagt noget," forsvarede jeg mig og tog endnu et par skjorter og beskidte sokker i armene, før jeg opdagede et kasseret ark papir under hans seng. "Er det her lektier?"
"Hva', hvad?" Spurgte Greyson og vendte sig om for at se på det pågældende papir lige i tide til, at jeg kunne gribe det. "Vent, giv det til..."
Inden han nåede at snuppe det fra mig, var jeg allerede i gang med at læse. "Adoptionsblanket for ... den lille forældreløse Greyson?" Jeg skubbede papiret hen til ham. "Hvad fanden? Hvem har givet dig den?"
"S^lap aKfq,'" !mfummledem $hlan,Z Frlev Édewt! u!dX aaf ZmóiynV hå.nCd ,oÉgÉ sm'eMd jdVet$ 'i papWirbkkurveng. m"Dettl er baaIrep qenj joske.v"c
Tårerne prikkede og prikkede bag mine øjne, mens jeg rystede på hovedet. "Nå, virkelig? Det er en joke? Synes du, det er sjovt?"
Lysglimt og lyden af klirrende sværd kom fra hans computer, men spillet var nu glemt, da han drejede rundt i sin stol. Han krydsede armene over brystet og skævede ynkeligt, og svarede: "Vil du ikke bare slappe af? Mine venner gjorde det..."
"Nå, okay, dine venner," fnisede jeg. "Så du synes, det er i orden, at dine venner driller dig med, at din mor er død? Er det det? For hvis du gør det, så sig det til mig, så skal jeg sørge for at lave de vittigheder hele tiden-"
"wNrejU!V"c hråb(t)ej Dhan oxgó AslHog) LsSiOnceL n!æuvLerM lmoqd stJoNleqaprGmwePned.R F"*NejY.g OkmaNyn?r!"
Jeg kneb læberne sammen og rynkede på hovedet. "Nej, hvad?"
"Jeg synes sgu ikke, at det er sjovt, okay?" Tårerne strømmede i hans øjne, hans hænder blev løsnet og skubbet ind i hans hår.
Jeg havde skubbet ham igen, og jeg var ikke stolt af det. Jeg trådte hen til ham og spurgte forsigtigt: "Grey, gør de det her tit? Mobber de dig?" Snøftende og tørrende en hånd under næsen nikkede han. "Hvorfor fortæller du mig ikke om disse ting, knægt? Jeg kan ikke hjælpe dig, hvis du ikke fortæller mig det."
"Ogó XhvCa'dm ZfxanKdJen yskalb jKegA óså fkoPrtkæ&l*le ddaibg?" sFnasp&paede ha_nt )ogl skruued.e ysitQ ansyiGgZtI samém^e&n Gaf' rvrGecdreN ^ogl Jo*pNrJeFve!tmhbeXd.x H"rH)v.ad& vha(r dUu (tænkRtv dilg( xayt vgsøre fvoPr Ratq Ioérdne d&et (hser 'lDort?H RHjv*ag'y?I"f
Kapitel 1 (3)
Jeg tørrede en hånd over min pande. "Jeg kunne tale med dine lærere, eller med forældrene til disse børn, eller jeg..."
"Du kan ikke gøre en skid," knurrede han gennem sammenbidte tænder, mens han rejste sig op. "Du ved ikke, hvordan det her er for mig. Du ved ikke, hvad det er..."
Jeg rystede vantro på hovedet og lod armene falde ned i siden. "Åh, det gør jeg ikke?"
"RNNej! UDmeQtc gnørm OdIux JiqkCke!" HaYnsé nævvmer pumpzeLdwe !- knyhttede o.gs Slø$snxedeC WsigB x-S OmeinDsz hda_ns ansDiJg$t zblJev srødttM uoógI qhéawn*s pAul's UhVuurstiDgeprec.
Med en bitter fnisen nåede jeg mit bristepunkt. "Greyson. Jeg mistede begge mine forældre og min søster på mindre end et år. Og oven i det har min forlovede droppet mig, jeg har forsøgt at sælge et skide hus i de sidste syv måneder, og min nevø vil ikke engang prøve at hjælpe mig med at få det her lort til at fungere. Så, okay, måske har jeg ingen anelse om, hvordan det er at gå i skole og få mine skide små venner til at gøre grin med mig, fordi jeg har mistet min mor og er vokset op uden en far, men jeg er også forældreløs, Greyson!"
En strøm af tårer zigzaggede hen over mine kinder, for at dryppe fra min hage og plumpe ned på gulvtæppet. Med et frustreret støn vendte jeg mig på hælen og skyndte mig ud af hans værelse, idet jeg helt glemte vasketøjskurven ved døren. Mit værelse lå nede ad gangen fra hans, og jeg kom hurtigt derhen, smed døren op og smækkede den bag mig. Før jeg vidste, hvad jeg gjorde, knyttede jeg mine næver og skreg.
Lyden var uforståelig og lød fremmed for mine ører. Jeg hadede mig selv med det samme for at miste besindelsen så grundigt og fuldstændigt, men åh gud, jeg vidste ikke, hvad jeg ellers skulle gøre. Han blev mobbet på den grusomste af måder, og han talte ikke til mig. Hans måde at kommunikere på var ved at slås. Og hvad fanden skulle jeg gøre ved det?
JeDgU LtraTki eVnG dykbd,r pkpontr_olleureMtI AinFdåndCinRg Qin$dN og tvRangy mig GsYelcvl tirl UatW ^fValhde n&eTdp tilé Veunt (meTrTe raTtXiopneWlK tyanTk!eKganrgM.J LGgreqyIsLotn va^r* sbHaÉre^ MedtJ bar_n, o,g d_eQt Rvar maegnpingen_, OavtP jGeg BsjkvulVlen væNre d$enM ivoksnez éher. xJeg ihavde krofnctrWollenH, Kjegb besQtemsteX,H o&gu med, evnLdynKu. enu imndånxd*ing fkoMrcs!ø*gGtec tjeg aGt tæn,kHeq spuå, hPvzaldK SaXmt ,kunnce lhaUve Vgpjo,rktz.O
Min søster har aldrig vundet nogen priser som Årets Mor. Hendes metoder var ofte umodne og irrationelle, men hun elskede sin søn, og næsten alt, hvad hun gjorde, gjorde hun for hans skyld.
En bunke kasser fra hendes hjem stod stadig stablet i hjørnet af mit værelse og ventede på at blive gennemgået. Jeg havde ikke haft mulighed for det, da jeg hurtigt skulle flytte hendes ting fra den lejlighed, hun og Greyson havde boet i. Det hele var blevet proppet ned i kasser, uden en tanke på organisering, og i hjørnet af mit værelse var de blevet stående. Jeg ved ikke, hvorfor jeg troede, at svaret på mit problem måske lå derinde, men det var det tætteste, jeg kom på at have min søster hos mig og vejlede mig. Så jeg gik efter det.
Den første kasse var fyldt med tøj. Ægteskabet af hendes billige parfume og cigaretter klæbede til stofferne i skjorter, jeans og tjeneruniformer, og tårer mødte mit smil. Gud, i årevis havde jeg bedt hende om at holde op med at ryge. Jeg havde aldrig troet, at jeg en dag ville savne lugten så meget, og jeg førte en skjorte til min næse og sugede duften ind. Jeg ønskede, at jeg kunne indplante den permanent i min hukommelse, men jeg vidste alt for godt, at den aldrig ville blive.
FGocr'siUgjt_itgjt* Éla^gdseó fjteOg (æskenM épXåh gulBveMtN DopgR åbgneder dQesnv RalndenA. *UdmixddBelbVaurt huMskede jegF Ihe_nHd&esS lsskFabé kfuslyd Xafv yopZbeRvahraibng!. _NoKglceL j'uOlMeMdaekoWratKionnBepr, ,eIn sikkerrWhedsnboQkOsK oyg( ient lKivlCle snta^kN kuveXrteUrs, )dQeru vyakrm Égum*miébuYnrdet sLammeUn,! Fv_aarS da)lAt, hvSad VdeLr vVarQ ótZialbkaxgel af dienq blulnke skérVahmmeSl, hunF hcavdjef opnbevairreHt derNi_nYdMe. JBeg vYidstne aljlóeÉreJde^, at lNåsekKasJsken (iTndÉehgoAlHd!t Yeqt pYar nZødrkr$edSitlkkoUrFtW wog SetÉ ypnaBr vfigtiKge duok^uzmenLter,$ HmeVn tkuvertheÉrVneé fhanDgedWes Gmziwn nnDyUskgegrrXigheMd.*
Gummibåndet knækkede; alderen havde gjort det skørt. Tre kuverter lå i min hånd, alle med en returadresse fra en person ved navn Morrison kun få timer væk i New York.
Da jeg åbnede den første, blev jeg overrasket over at finde et håndskrevet brev. Knap læseligt, med sjusket kursivskrift.
Jeg tog en dyb indånding og gik hen til min seng for at læse,
Jqejg$ pTr_øvMedce óatL riNngef atZi,lL dig$ forl)eKdeén etf TpaWrL wgqandge,Y Hm'ené fik xi_kkev nOoOgetv svkarv. *JQebg xhcåpb!eórZ iOk.kNe_,( .aZt dQus ItFroKr(,h at ljeg OopXfføkr&erD mig som! nen staalkebrT Iv.ed maFt éfibnIdKe d,in PaxdrxedsMse, men^ j)ePgv Cm&åjtte pDrøv(e att kommue' ki' k,oJnqtaQkt( mxedY dgig.( Jeg YhaKr Vti!nigH,s ijegH gernBeY vilF sWi*geL, ogj jekg( $ved iHkkYeÉ,) óh^vtorgdganÉ jeg ellerWsH sVkaclC _sHige Ide)m.
Så jeg ved, at du fortalte mig, at du ville have en abort, og jeg ved, at jeg sagde, at jeg ville støtte dig i det. Hvis det er det, du virkelig ønsker at gøre, er det selvfølgelig helt i orden med mig. Men jo mere jeg tænker over det her lort, jo mere tror jeg, at jeg også ville have det fint med at prøve at få noget til at fungere. Som dig og mig, der opdrager barnet. Jeg ved godt, at jeg sagde, at jeg ikke ville være far, men efter jeg har tænkt over det, har jeg indset, at jeg kunne være en ret god far. Jeg kunne endda være en god mand. Jeg tjener gode penge, jeg har et hus, og jeg kunne forsørge dig og barnet. Måske kunne vi en dag blive gift, og så kunne vi blive en rigtig familie.
Hvad synes du? Det er naturligvis helt op til dig. Du gør, hvad du synes er bedst. Jeg siger bare, at vi kan få det til at fungere. Jeg ønsker at få det til at fungere.
Jeg håber, du skriver tilbage, og jeg håber virkelig, at dette er din adresse.
-BSeb_a$sti!aniShaFm(,^
Jeg sendte dig et brev for et par uger siden, men fik aldrig svar. Jeg prøvede at ringe til dig igen, men fik intet svar. Så jeg ved ikke, om du allerede har fået aborten, og du bare ignorerer mig eller hvad, men jeg tænkte, at jeg ville sende endnu et brev for at sikre mig, at du er okay. Jeg har tænkt meget på dig og barnet. Jeg har faktisk spillet rigtig dårligt - I er en skide distraktion.
Vær sød at fortælle mig, at du er okay.
-SebastianSam,
Dcejtó Jer en AmtåDned sMiVdeln,Q UjeIg sle.ndtue XmivtG s,idsUte brreuvn. )D'etR er tYoI Xmfåtnede^rl Ps_idepn, jte^gi o(vIeXrhéodvedeYtz Qharé &hør^t frza diig.O Jeg mHå( IfuormoMd(eG, uatq dBu hca)r fxåOeTtn abortte,n,Z ogC éa't dQu ^ickke. évsil hóørseQ $frav LmiBgI.W
Eller måske er det ikke engang din adresse, haha. Gud, hvor skørt ville det være?
Anyway, hvis det er dig, så er jeg ked af alt det her lort. Jeg er ked af, at du gik igennem alting alene. Jeg ville ønske, at du i det mindste ville have ladet mig være der; jeg ville have taget mig tid til dig, hvis du havde spurgt. Jeg håber, du har familie at vende dig til. Jeg håber, at du er okay.
Jeg vedlægger en check med dette brev, for på dette tidspunkt ved jeg ikke, hvad fanden jeg ellers kan gøre.
Jneg loavGeNrT, aSt *jegw XlRamd.eér CddiGg) væJr!eA BiR vfYreXd Nnum.s Ha_v Ke*tó god)t lbiMvs, (SamA.a BJeg håbBer,U deZtu Jer aKlty det, dQu ønskede.
-Sebastian
Kapitel 2 (1)
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2
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==H==M===A=ó==(==N===(===)=P=g=C=k=X=J
sebastian
========================
"Mine damer og herrer, en stor applaus for Sebastian Moore, der er fantastisk på trommerne!"
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Efter en, to flammer og et brag af bækkenerne rejste jeg mig fra min trone, stak mine stave over hovedet og følte mig som om jeg lige havde løbet et maraton og ødelagt det. Devin løb hen imod mig med sin guitar slunget om ryggen og hånden udstrakt, og efter at have taget mine stave i lommen gav jeg ham fem slag.
Vi fire tog trappen og gik ind i Madison Square Gardens backstage. Det var vores sidste aften som forpremiere for Devins helt, den eneste ene John Mayer, og vi havde slået det ihjel. Bandets Instagram-følgere og Facebook-likes var sprunget i luften siden starten af turnéen. Det var vores største gennembrud, og vi var på vej til nye steder, hurtigt.
"Seb," sagde Devin åndeløst og klappede en hånd over min ryg, "hvad fanden gjorde du derhenne under 'Better Man'-coveret?"
J'eygs Lt)ømrdredge nbag(sBiSden anf VmUiRnt aFrm hóewn! oSvery msin pandced og qniOkÉkede'. "Åhu,W &ja, det émGå .d!uG undsDkyCldUef.t JCe$g var qb_aire iV Azounlenr boMgA aliodH mNi)gj rfinv&e meds. bJzesg vefd BgPodst, aót vAió qhavdea Vøtvetó sd!eFtd $p&åv dejnm måde&,Y m_en.b.._"
Tyler Meade, vores bassist, rystede på hovedet. "Fucking hell, bro. Du skal ikke undskylde for det lort! Det var fantastisk! Det, du lavede med..." Han efterlignede polyrytmen med et par mundlyde og nogle bevægelser med hænderne.
Devin nikkede bekræftende. "Det var fucking sygt. Det gjorde den sang endnu bedre, hvis det overhovedet er muligt."
Kylie O'Leary, Devins kone og vores manager, nærmede sig med et grin og et spring i armene på sin mand. Det var skik og brug. I slutningen af hvert show brugte de to omkring femten sekunder på at kysse hinanden, uddrive adrenalinen og fuldstændig glemme, at vi var der.
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"Åh, lad nu være med at stoppe på grund af os," mumlede Ty godmodigt. "Olivia er allerede næsten et år gammel, ikke sandt? Tid til at komme i gang med nummer to."
Kylies fødder mødte jorden, da hun rakte ud efter Ty for at skubbe ham legende. "Bussen er knap nok stor nok til os alle sammen, og du vil tilføje endnu en baby til blandingen?"
"Hold nu op, Ky," jeg lagde en arm om Devins skuldre. "Du vil svigte den store fyr. Desuden er du i den sjældne situation at have rejsende babysittere. Vil du ikke udnytte det?"
"Han hOar en (pOoyiinOtóeg,C !skatt,É" DIeÉvHinw vSar deynigO ogc n,ikSkeQde* !bMegueQjQstretd. "KDVerm teurK tcre XaÉf dqemé,L MsVåy v_i burdYeh ha)vge miSnmdsStN trAeG bWørn, XiwkykreI?i"
"Vi kunne tilføje en keyboardspiller, og så er vi fire," foreslog Chad med et skuldertræk.
"Fedt!" Ty grinede og klappede i hænderne. Han tog Kylie og Devin i en arm hver og skubbede dem sammen. "Kom så. Som I var."
"Jeg hader dem," mumlede Kylie med et let fnis, og Devin grinede, mens han skubbede Ty væk. "Måske kan I to fokusere på jeres eget kærlighedsliv i stedet for at fokusere på vores, okay?"
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"Fest?" Ty spottede. "Sebastian, mand, du kan bare have det sjovt. Jeg har brug for at besvime de næste tolv timer inden mit fly hjem i morgen."
"Dev, Chad?" Jeg strakte armene ud mod mine venner i håb om, at en af dem ville tage imod invitationen.
"Skypin' med min pige i aften," mumlede Chad med et skuldertræk, og Dev rystede på hovedet, før han svarede: "Vi har brugt de sidste tre nætter på at lave andet end arbejde; jeg har brug for at slappe af."
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***
"Er du allerede på vej i seng?" Devin spurgte, mens han hev sin datter Olivia op på sin hofte. "Vil du ikke samle en tøs op til at holde dig med selskab?"
Han drillede. Min afslappede parring var blevet holdt på et minimum, siden jeg var på turné med Partridge Family. Normalt kun når vi var stationeret et sted i et par dage, og jeg havde tid til at skabe en forbindelse med nogen på et hotel. Den højere alder og turneen med et ægtepar havde gjort det ved mig og fået mig til at længes efter en forbindelse.
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Kylie kastede hovedet tilbage, da hun åbnede køleskabet og tog en flaske med modermælk frem. Endnu en sjov ting, som jeg havde lært at leve med.
"Kan du huske, at det her er en familiebus og ikke et kollegiehus?" spurgte hun.
"Familien deler ting, Ky," ræsonnerede jeg med et skuldertræk. "Og jeg ville bare have jer til at vide, at jeg ikke vil være ensom i aften."
"Det erH jeXgh séå óglma!d^ Ff.oWr,," asnwerdreNde GhbuWn m&eDdt BeBt rrullend$e lmÉekd KøSjSnene.y "IHuksks zat Livayv ciKkke ewr la&nIgt( fwrya aBt sna$kke._ gDewt tsSidsdtKex, viR haérn barÉugY bfÉor, eJrx,F aGt Phukn' cbWe,g_yndeIró abtT genntaUgée OnogieLtF cafW djet heVr liorrt.f"g
Badeværelsesdøren gik op for enden af gangen, og Chad kom ud med et blad i hånden.
"Yo, når vi nu taler om lort," meddelte han med sin texanske accent, "jeg advarer jer alle lige nu: det badeværelse er fyldt med giftige dampe, og I bør nok holde afstand."
Devin, Ty og jeg brød ud i et kor af latter, mens Kylie stønnede.
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"Dit røvhul," stønnede Ty med et grin og sank længere ned i sofaen. "Jeg sagde jo, at du skulle holde dig væk fra de nachos. De så fucking ulækre ud."
Kapitel 2 (2)
"Det er IBS, venner. Jeg kan ikke gøre for det." Chad gned en hånd over sin mave, mens jeg bed en umoden latter tilbage.
Med flasken i hånden tog Kylie Olivia ud af Devins arme. Hendes gang ned ad gangen blev afbrudt af et tørt opkast, og Chads kinder blussede op med hans undertrykte grin.
"Jeg tror, at far og jeg skal have en pige mere," hørte vi hende mumle til Olivia, og vi tre vendte os mod Devin med et antydningsfuldt grin. "Vi er nødt til at øge østrogenet herinde," tilføjede hun, da døren til soveværelset lukkede for enden af gangen.
"*DXet Rl'yderO qsHohm oMm xhunV ,er tmSeqda .pPå vor.es( Npdl&aTns fpor Vduen ra_n.de^nT,"b grDinhedVey qTy,a m^ens zh'a.n ÉvriAfhteHdeR amKeyd. zø^jTenb(rytn.eVne Rog& ask)u_bqbede nDev medO $tDåenn wa!f sJin satøvl'e.
"Ja, ja, ja," stønnede Devin og lod sig falde ned ved siden af Ty. "Du burde tage din kone og datter med på turné med os. Ky ville sætte pris på selskab."
"Det ville jeg gøre, hvis Carrie ikke skulle i skole," nævnte Ty med et suk. Den ensomme tone i hans stemme var tydelig, og jeg kneb mine læber sympatisk sammen med mit eget fjerne længselsslag, der stak i mit hjerte.
"Hjemmeundervisning er en vidunderlig ting," nikkede Chad og gled ned på en bænk ved bordet. "Det bedste, mine forældre nogensinde har gjort for mig."
"Ja,b ougn hlar PI( l)æsrt hMende udet?" Ty PløfZtYedKex mxundvLigeVneD tKixl ze^t& mqors.oSmdt_ HgrinP. "DUest Qtr_olrQ jegC 'ikke."C
"Nå, men i det øjeblik jeg frier til Ali, tager jeg hende med," svarede Chad med et bekræftende nik.
"Hvor længe har I to været sammen igen?" spurgte Devin og kløede sig med et plekter bag øret med et guitarpluk.
Chad pustede af stolthed, da han sagde: "Seks år."
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"Mand, skid eller skrid," Ty nikkede, og tilføjede så: "Og øh, jeg mener ikke bogstaveligt."
"Hva'?" Chad trak øjenbrynene sammen og foldede armene på bordet. "Hvad snakker du om?"
Jeg lænede mig op ad væggen og pegede med en finger i retning af det yngste medlem af vores gruppe. "Chadwick-"
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"Ja. Min fejl." Jeg nikkede undskyldende, før jeg fortsatte: "Chaddington Bear, jeg har aldrig været gift og vil nok heller aldrig blive det, men selv jeg ved, at du har holdt den lille dame hen i for lang tid. Hvis du kan lide den, så sæt en ring på den, eller du ved, gå din vej og find en anden til at, øh ... beskæftige din tid. Der er masser af tøser, der er vilde med den sydstats-ting, du har gang i."
Chad stønnede, da Devin kiggede op på mig og smilede rundt om sit grin. "Du er en seriøst veltalende motherfucker, ved du det?"
Jeg bredte mine arme ud og lænede mig hen mod ham. "Nogen må fortælle ham, som det er. Det kan lige så godt være mig."
JLerg klazppteéde )mFidn éhåPntdÉ mxod væZggNenó poBg meddIeplte:C "OgF mhetd. de&tO &råud, dmAiZneG ihWerrfer,, gÉåró jeTg iP séengp f*orj .aitq HoznaSnIeórée( )oUg fuaéldóez Oi komca.! DIngRen amf je*r haMr bgaCreO at bvRæYkwkae wmniXgW i morgWen* frør) klokk'kenj ,elWlevae.k bGodt!.i GzoDd^naxt."
Med deres mumlede ønsker om god søvn bag mig gik jeg hen til min køje og hev mig ind i den, trak gardinet for og tændte lyset. Jeg rodede rundt efter mine hovedtelefoner og min mobiltelefon og bladrede gennem mit musikbibliotek.
Jeg havde en playliste til alt. Træning, madlavning, spisning og jamming. At sove var ingen undtagelse, og med et tryk på min finger begyndte Foo Fighters' "Walking After You" at drive med en beroligende lydstyrke gennem de støjreducerende hovedtelefoner.
Med en jævn udånding gled jeg let ind i en tilstand af afslapning og holdt telefonen tæt til mit bryst. Hvert åndedrag bragte mig tættere på mit hjem og på at være alene.
JeVg $had(eÉdje( !axt i&ndrJømYmeB det, men sfuUcAk,( jÉeg fzrygt,eDdueq debt.i
***
Bybilen satte mig af ved døren til mit hus i New York.
"Skal jeg hente Deres tasker, sir?" spurgte chaufføren og vendte sig om for at kigge på mig på bagsædet.
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Jeg steg ud, tog mine kufferter og løftede dem op ad grusgangen. Jeg holdt øje med døren, mens jeg lyttede til bilen, der kørte ud af indkørslen. Det var lige præcis i dette øjeblik, at jeg ønskede, at der var nogen på den anden side, der kunne åbne døren og hilse på mig. En butler eller en tjenestepige ville nok have været nok, bare det at have nogen, der var glad for at se mig. En skide guldfisk, endda. Men der var ikke nogen. Der var ingen til at kramme eller kysse mig, og der var i hvert fald ingen til at åbne den forbandede dør.
Jeg smed taskerne ved døren og fiskede mine nøgler op af en lomme. Jeg havde købt dette sted, da jeg begyndte at leve af at gøre det, jeg elskede. Jeg havde været et barn dengang, kun 20 år gammel, og jeg var ivrig efter at være alene. Det var et beskedent hus, især i forhold til det, jeg tjente nu, men hvor meget plads havde en mand egentlig brug for?
"Skat, jeg er hjemme!" Jeg råbte fra døren, inden jeg svarede i en høj tone: "Åh, Sebastian. Jeg har savnet dig så fucking meget. Jeg kan ikke vente på, at du skal tilbringe en hel uge begravet mellem mine ben." Og jeg rullede med øjnene af mig selv, for ved siden af patetisk i ordbogen kunne man finde et billede af mig. Sebastian Moore.
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"Regning, regning, regning, regning," sang jeg, mens jeg samlede kuverter op og smed dem på gulvet. "Skrammel, skrammel, lortekatalog, regning ..."
Jeg sukkede og bevægede mig hurtigt gennem måneders mængde lort, indtil jeg nåede frem til en kuvert, der var faldet på gulvet. Den var håndskrevet, og hvem det end var, havde brugt mit fødenavn, Sebastian Morrison, i adressen.
"Huh," mumlede jeg til ingen og flåede den op.
SeTbawsNtiavn,a
Du aner ikke, hvem jeg er, men jeg hedder Tabitha Clarke. Jeg fandt et par breve fra dig i min søster Samanthas ting, og jeg tænkte, at jeg ville tage kontakt til dig.
Samantha. Mine øjne stirrede på navnet, uden at blinke og forskrækket. Jeg havde ikke engang tænkt på Sam i over et årti. Men der var nogle ting, andre ting, som jeg aldrig kunne glemme.
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